This year I have been thinking about a lot of things. One thing in particular is the fact that I would have been married to my ex fiancee this year. Don't get me wrong, I am over him but, I knew I'd be thinking about that cause I tend to think about a lot of my past. The reason for that is so that I don't make a mistake in my current relationship. So I was thinking about a conversation my ex and I had when we were together. I'll explain it all here.

You see, the thing is we are both Christians. So we were talking about Easter one time cause I thought it would be nice to get married then. After that talk we had several more talks about getting married. Some were good talks and some were not but I won't get into that cause I don't wanna make him look bad. I have respect for him, so much respect I won't even say his name here. Anyway, so I told him we should wait till we reached 7 years together.

If you do the math you'll figure out that we started our relationship in 2003. We had a lot going on at the time and I for one had already been married twice, and both times I felt rushed to do so and this time I wanted to take my time with such. So we both agreed to wait 7 years. If you are a Christian then you know what we believe about the number 777. So again we talked about marriage and this time he said he wanted to get married in July 2010 on the 7th day of the week. 

So 7 years later, 7th month of the year, and 7th day of the week. I thought that was perfect and it meant a lot. I was looking forward to it. However, our relationship ended in 2008 and if you have read my other blogs about that then you know why, but if not then all I can say here is that it ended cause there was lack of commitment basically. Anyway, another reason I say 7 is not my lucky number is because my last marriage ended after 7 years together. The break up was my fault but that's not what this blog is about either.

I haven't lost all hope or faith. I believe my current relationship can work. I will admit I am running out of patience though. This time I won't wait 7 years to get married lol. I am 33 years old now and I don't wanna be in my 40s when I say "I do". I wanna marry my man while I still look somewhat young lol. We are supposed to be getting married next summer but I don't think that will happen. Well, that's my lack of faith talking right now but I won't let it get to me.

Anyway, for all of you who are Christians or even if you are not one, I'd like to know if you are married and what made you decide on the date you chose to get married. For those who are not married yet but will be soon, what date have you chosen and why? Also, have you got a lucky or an unlucky number? If so, what is it and why is it lucky or unlucky?        

If I were a month, I would be October.

If I were a day of the week, I would be Saturday.

If I were a time of the day, I would be midnight.

If I were a planet, I would be Saturn.

If I were a sea animal, I would be a dolphin.

If I were a direction, I would be East.
If I were a piece of furniture, I would be a bed.
If I were a liquid, I would be vodka.
If I were a gemstone, I would be a ruby.
If I were a tree, I would be an oak.
If I were a tool, I would be a drill.
If I were a flower, I would be a gerbera.
If I were a kind of weather, I would be a heatwave.
If I were a musical instrument, I would be a guitar.
If I were a color, I would be red.

If I were an emotion, I would be desire.
If I were a fruit, I would be a peach.
If I were a sound, I would be a cell phone ring.

If I were an element, I would be fire.

If I were a car, I would be a Corvette.

If I were a food, I would be mango.

If I were a place, I would be Puerto Rico.

If I were a material, I would be silk.

If I were a taste, I would be rum.

If I were a scent, I would be the scent of a rose.

If I were an animal, I would be a panda.

If I were an object, I would be a pen.

If I were a body part, I would be a head.

If I were a facial expression, I would be a smile.

If I were a pair of shoes, I would be a pair of boots.

A shadow walks behind you
It's the shadow of your past
It won't leave you alone
It wants to remind you
All the things you left behind

Don't look back for it will grab you
Drag you back to where you used to be
And show you things you have forgotten
Show you what you could have been
Selfish, moody, unloved and rotten

Straight ahead an uncertain future
Your present isn't all you want
The shadow keeps following you
It wants to posses you
It wants to bring you down
Don't turn around or look in its eyes

Your partying days a haunting memory
The shadow laughs at you as you are terrified
You don't wanna go back to those days
Where you felt unloved and ashamed
The bottle was your best friend

Running away from this shadow
Not wanting the past to catch on
You trip and fall, hit the bottle
Your life is back to square one
The shadow has won

Note: This isn't about me as I have no desire to hit the bottle ever again. I have been sober for 9 years. I don't know where this came from, I just wrote it. I must admit I have been tempted to drink a few times but I am better than that and won't fall for that again. 

I miss how it felt to carry you inside me
I miss the birth that never took place
I miss the way I would have held you
In my arms for the very first time
I miss the little kicks
I would have felt eventually
As you grew inside me
I miss the smiling eyes
That never looked at me
I miss the little hand
That never got to touch my face
I miss the little laugh
My ears never got to hear
I miss the early morning
And late night feedings
That I never got to experience
I miss the little cry
I never got to calm down
By rocking you to sleep sweetly
I miss the water splash at bath time
And the tiny bubbles in the air
Making you giggle
As you try to reach them
I miss what you and I could have been
A mother/daughter, best friends
All that we should have been
But the Lord took you away
Before I could feel the very first kick
To let me know you were still growing
Inside me and healthy
I'll never see you grow up
And shape into the lovely girl
I know you could have been
Ten years have gone by
It feels like eternity
But one thing will always be true
I'll always be your mommy
And you'll always be my baby
Christina I love you

There are 22 letters in your name.
Those 22 letters total to 101
There are 9 vowels and 13 consonants in your name.
 
What your first name means:

Your number is: 2

The characteristics of #2 are: Cooperation, adaptability, consideration of others, partnering, mediating.

The expression or destiny for #2:
A number 2 Expression gives you the tools to work very well with other people. Your destiny is in the role of the mediator and the peacemaker. In many ways you are dependent on others and seem to function best in a partnership or in some form of group activity. Modesty runs deep in your nature, and you can work comfortably without recognition of your accomplishments. Often, others get credit for your ideas, and this is of little real concern to your since you are such a willing team player. As you grow in this direction, you become sensitive to the feelings of others, you are ever diplomatic in handling complicated situations. Cooperative, courteous, and considerate, you have the capacity to become an outstanding facilitator. You know how to organize and handle people. You are a good detail person because you rarely overlook anything. Tactful and friendly, nearly everyone likes you.

The negative 2 personality can be over-sensitive and easily hurt. Too much of this number in your makeup can make you very shy and uncertain. Sometimes the excessive 2 energies makes one apathetic and somewhat indifferent to the job at hand; the ability to handle details is hampered in these cases.

Your Soul Urge number is: 8

A Soul Urge number of 8 means:
With an 8 soul urge, you have a natural flair for big business and the challenges imposed by the commercial world. Power, status and success are very important to you. You have strong urges to supervise, organize and lead. Material desires are also very pronounced. You have good executive abilities, and with these, confidence, energy and ambition.

Your mind is analytical and judgment sound; you're a good judge of material values and also human character. Self-controlled, you rarely let emotions cloud judgment. You are somewhat of an organizer at heart, and you like to keep those beneath you organized and on a proper track. This is a personality that wants to lead, not follow. You want to be known for your planning ability and solid judgment.

The negative aspects of the 8 soul urge are the often dominating and exacting attitude. You may have a tendency to be very rigid, sometimes stubborn.

Your Inner Dream number is: 3

An Inner Dream number of 3 means:
You dream of artistic expression; writing, painting, music. You would seek to more freely express your inner feeling and obtain more enjoyment from life. You also dream of being more popular, likable, and appreciated.